I want to be truthfully true to you

I made a point to not sing for this song, unlike in Tulsa, so that I could record it and forever have a video of this wonderful song sans Jennifer-singing. So yes, I did capture this little gem, no, that is not me singing badly in the background, yes, the concert was beyond stellar, yes, Bryce once again came into the crowd right next to where I was standing and placed his hand on my shoulder as I assisted in lifting him up to crowd surf him back to the stage AGAIN, yes, it was one of the best nights of my life, yes, I wish I could have shared it with you, and yes, I am a very blessed girl. Very blessed, indeed.


Just a calendar day

It’s funny how things can stay the same
Or drastically change
Some things seem so close on some days but still so far away
Don’t know the right things to do (ba ba ba ba)
In fact I don’t have a clue sometime I feel like a tool
And I want to be truthfully true to you
And do all the things that you do
But when I hate everything about the mean things that I say
It feels like I mess up so much and I can only say
“i hate everything about my ways”
But you tell me I’m OK
And one day one day I know you’ll say

“B I’m so glad you made it”
“oh well Jesus thank you so much for saying that”
Because the truth you know is that I have just been hating so many things I do
But now I realize forever that you’re my friend
No matter what you will never leave me to fend
I don’t know much but I know we will be
As happy as a 1950’s TV family
Except times infinity


It’s not procrastinating if I finish the night before, right?

That title should lead you to believe that I did indeed finish writing an english paper. Moments ago, actually. Not my best and I’m beyond tired of writing this evening. So, I’m just not going to. “I will not let the blog control me,” was it? I believe so. That being said, I would like to share a little something with you that has been on my mind this evening. Yesterday during class, my english prof shared what he said was the best bit of advice his mentor had ever passed along to him. I believe this sentiment can be applied in any form of creating as is not specific to the writing process by any means, but it’s an important one. “He said, “trust the process.” Think about that while you do whatever you do after you read my blog and let me know your thoughts on this whole idea of valuing the process in which you invent and produce something. Maybe I’ll say a little somethin’ about this not at two in the morning one of these days.


Keep holding on, all I got is holding on these roses. The thorns keep on digging but my soul believes

One of the worst emotions is the feeling of insufficiency.
That my personal best, the very best version of myself is not enough for you.
Not _________ enough.
Not smart enough.
Not old enough.
Not nice enough.
Not badass enough.
Not mature enough.
Not intelligent enough.
Not funny enough.
Not fun enough.
Not cool enough.
Not talented enough.
Not pretty enough.
Not good enough.
Not good enough.

Today, I feel very insufficient.
Not okay.


To My Sweet Angelica.

Firstly, I love that you read my blog and will undoubtedly know that this is directed towards you. The fact that you care enough to read my venting, complaining, annoying, pointless posts everyday makes me love you that much more. I love your honest and sincere posts and that I get the chance to get to know you so much better from your blog. It makes this whole blogging thing very, very cool. I’d like to also tell you that I don’t actually think of you as a baby. I think of you as my sweet boy, and that’s probably the biggest compliment I give someone. Believe me, it’s a rare title to receive. And I know that sometimes, well often, I wish that I was twenty-three years-old already and had this stellar life full of interesting people and interesting experiences so it’s relatively hypocritical of me to type this, but I think you’re trying to grow up too fast. You have so much more time than you think to have girlfriends and to worry about college and life. Girls come and go, that’s just how it works. Have high standards, you’re a lucky catch m’dear, and that I can guarantee. I have lots of wonderful eighteen year-old wisdom to share with you, but the most important is probably this: don’t let people change you, rather, be the very best version of yourself, make good choices, and realize what is actually important  in life. I’ve spent nearly four years now in high school crying my eyes out at three in the morning hopelessly frustrated studying because I was going to fail a big pre-cal test the next day when in reality, none of it matters. Rumors are annoying and hurtful, but they don’t have to rule your life and break you down. Keep really great friends in your life. The ones that will love you no matter what, will cry with you, will smile with you and are proud when you succeed, will hold you up when you’re hurting, and not be afraid to tell you when you’re headed in the wrong direction are the ones to hold on to. What people think of you isn’t everything. Learn to love yourself and recognize that YOU ARE LOVED, always and forever. You are a sweet, joy-filled, inspiring, talented, handsome, and loving young man that I am very blessed to have in my life and I wish, more than anything, that you could see all of those things in yourself.
All my love,
Your Reptar