If you’ve never experienced the magic that is the “Missed Connections” section of Craigslist, you’re truly missing out on a vital part of life. Missed connections are an extremely intriguing thing to me. For one, is anyone actually successful at finding whoever they post about? And who thinks to even do this? You know you’re a creep (or just really desperate) if you post a missed connection on Craigslist. Truth. I think you’d have to be equally as creepy and desperate if you’re looking at missed connections to see if one is about you. So, inspired by this bizzarre practice, I bring you Missed Connections Poetry. I went through the missed connection posts that came up on Craigslist when I searched Denton (just to narrow my search down a bit) and found these three gems from which I wrote three poems. The poems are most effective if you read the listings first. I hope you find this as ridiculous as I did.
Not a Mini-van Man
Lookin’ good working drive-thru
of that Chicken Express,
I smiled, you were shy
I hope I made your day better nonetheless.
The extra dough I dished was a surprise to you,
More than twenty percent for that box in yellow.
For you, I’ll be eating fried chicken every day.
Girl, you made me a happy fellow.
Over the river and through the woods
To grandmother’s house you were trying to go.
My lane you were taking, you turn signal was ‘a breaking,
Like an asshole, I said “Whoa.”
I didn’t mean to be rude,
I hope you’ll accept my apology
With drinks and dinner or both,
Maybe we’ll talk about human biology…if you know what I mean.
No Oedipus Complex here
To the ground is where you fell,
Knocking out your teeth,
Bitch, I hope you burn in HELL
Coconut slurpees proved to be your vice,
You should sew a letter “A” to you sweater in dark scarlet.
And now you’ll pay the price,
The lord knows you’re a damn stinking harlot
The lord’s house doesn’t need
A CHEESEBALLING WHORE like you.
You know what, Shanniqua?
And fuck you!