Remembering

Contradictions.

My computer is telling me it is officially after 1 a.m. and I’m sitting in bed, eyes tired, Lily braids resting on my shoulders, trying to spit out a blog post and having a difficult time. Typical. I also will be waking up much earlier than I would like to for a long morning at work work then a full day of classes. Everything about this moment is typical. A new day comes you’ll wake unfold. Smile when you feel the sunlight. My speakers sitting next to me shuffle through The Format. So typical. Except here I am now, in a new place, another temporary sanctuary with blank walls that won’t be blank for long. I remember this time last year. The nerves. The fear. I remember wanting to hold on so badly. To my relationships, to my habits, to my safe places, my little world, to the life I’d always known. Except here I am now, the night before my second year of college. I’m a little bitter about having to get up early in the morning for work (I will never be a morning person) but beyond that, I know what to expect, I’m not nervous or anxious or terrified by any means. I know that my classes will be challenging, but I’ll do my best. I know my friendships will be challenging, but I’ll do my best. And if everything falls apart and I change and you change and everything changes again and again and again, I’ll do my very best. And while it seems like nothing has changed, so much has. And while it seems like everything has changed, so much hasn’t.

Technically it’s Thursday and at this moment and I’m going to take advantage of Thankful Thursday and its alliteration-cuteness to say I’m thankful for resurfacing optimism. And I’m thankful to be back in my little blog space after a bit of a lengthy hiatus. I think I’ll stay a while, if that’s okay with you all. I’ll do my best to be a more frequent visitor if you’ll have me.

Life is not a play its what we make of the people we love

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