In reality, If I want to seek and think and ask questions and come to conclusions and discover something really valuable about myself, I wouldn’t want to be anywhere else than where I am right now surrounded by some of the most incredibly honest and wonderful people I know. I’ve been increibly foolish for spending all of this time wallowing and wandering feeling unloved, uncared for, and very unwanted when that wasn’t the case at all. I don’t know what changed that made me leave this lovely family. I thought I had to in order to find whatever I’ve been looking for, when that might have been the case for some time, but it certainly isn’t now as I continue to seek and doubt and ask questions. These people look past my “Everything’s fine. This summer has been really great…” when they ask how I’m doing. They look me in the eyes and ask, “But really, how have you been?” and they listen without an ounce of judgement and they don’t offer unwarranted advice and don’t dismiss my feelings. And the perfect hugs that say “I’ve missed you, Jennifer.” All of it. I’ve missed all of this so much.
What i’ve missed most of all is how they care about what I have to say, that it’s important and valuable. And they genuinely feel that my presence is important and valuable. As much as I hate to admit it, I do need the reassurance after all.