Rainy

To a “Yummy” Fellow

Dear Padawon,
While you may choose to respect a person with strict privacy settings, I have zero respect for you. I hope your future is filled with numerous terrible haircuts. And if you marry a minority, for your children’s sake of course, I wish her many blessings but hope that she knows she married a man who loves her only for her ability to produce a child who would receive excellent scholarship opportunities when applying for college because of their not-white male, but minority status. I’m happy for you that you have a roommate who didn’t call you “yummy” after adding you on facebook, though your profile picture isn’t actually seductive. All in all, I hate your stinking guts. You make me vomit. You are the scum between my toes.

Love,
Jennifer

This message was inspired by various comments made by Patrick Burke in all of his (creeper) glory.

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6 thoughts on “To a “Yummy” Fellow

    • Jennifer Lioy says:

      Obviously I’m taking some liberties, dad.
      Haha
      How’d I do? Pretty funny right. I didn’t want to just list all of your creeeper comments so this was the only way I could think of organizing them while still fulfilling my letter writing obligation. I’m pretty happy with it. Made me laugh.

  1. Patrick says:

    I am very impressed… but I don’t want people to think that the only quality I am looking for in a woman is her ability to produce minority children…

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