Day Eighty-Six

I woke up this morning in a very different place. It was still my bed and my room, but it was different. With my stuff packed away in boxes ready to go out the door tomorrow, I reflected on what this place has been for me. I’ve been very lucky in that my room has always been my space. It was a place for my stuffed animals to play and housed many games of Life. A place where Barbie fashion shows were frequent and sleepover games were a must. The place where my sister and I got in many fights and the place where I didn’t actually mind getting sent to as a punishment. As I grew, my room came with me. It went through my phases with me transforming into a sewing room, a practice room, a concert hall, a painting studio, and even an art gallery at one time or another. It was the place where we talked about boys and then spent hours late at night on the phone talking to them, against my father’s wishes I’m sure. It housed creativity, inspiration, craft supplies, colorful scarves, and Teen Vogue magazines. It kept out my parents, my bully big sister, and the whole world when I needed to run away sometimes. It was comfort. The place where I could close the door and cry where no one would see me. The only place in the world where I’ve ever been fully and completely myself, no shame, no hiding. The place where I prayed. More than anything, my room has always been my safe place. I created a sanctuary.

It’s very different, but it still remains my sanctuary, now more than ever. As I leave it, it stays here, with my stuffed animals, art, and memories. It remains my space and all that that entails. It still remains my safe place that holds all my secrets and a great amount of love.

I guess letting go and holding on are all about balance as well.



3 thoughts on “Day Eighty-Six

  1. I have no idea why, but while I was reading this my nose did that tingly thing it does before I’m about to cry, and my eyes teared up and… I don’t know. This made me incredibly sad for some reason.

    I miss you, Jennifer. Even though you’re not off in some other state, or even in another city, I miss you.

    • Jennifer Lioy says:

      I got weepy reading about you getting weepy reading this. I wish I was kidding when I say that I cry all the time. It’s not something I choose to do, it just happens. I’m like a pregnant woman. Saying goodbye to Hannah last night, oh my gosh. Horrible, Maddie. Horrible. I’m kind of a wreck. I’m so unnecessarily emotional right now. I’m fine though. Little things just make me so emotional. The morning I wrote this was the morning where I woke up and just sobbed about my room. It seems so silly. It’s just a room but it’s so much more. And it’s not that I’m not excited about all of this, it’s just so much. I feel like I’m wasting a lot of time that I could be pumped to be moving out and doing the college thing. Lame, lame, lame. I think the sooner we realize that we have to let go and that we’re going to have to continue to let go of many things throughout our lives, the easier it’ll be to grow up. And I miss you, dear. Luckily, I am around and once this adjustment becomes a bit more normal, I think good things will happen. I love you dearly, you know.

      • Oh, gosh. We’re both just extremely emotional people. I cry a lot too, over the tiniest things that seem so insignificant to everyone else. I just.. I’m not sure, this is just a lot to get used to. You’re in college. Macy and Victoria and Julia and everyone else are all in college. I’m still coping with the fact that everytime I go to Priscilla’s house, Macy and Victoria (and a lot of you guys as well) won’t always be there. I guess I just took for granted how much I saw you all. Man, who knows what I’m going to do when it’s time for me to go to college. But that’s so far away right now, and I don’t want to start crying again thinking about my own graduation. I love you, Jennifer. Take in the college atmosphere; the experience of it all. Make the most of it, because this is supposedly the prime of your life. These are the days that every grown up looks back on today, saying things like “Aw, we had some crazy times in college” or “Remember the college days”. I want you to have an amazing college experience. I probably sound like a parent, oh well. I just miss you a lot and hope you’re having the best time possible.

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