Reflection

Day Fifty-five

So, I almost just ruined my life. I was about fifty seconds away from falling asleep completely when I remembered I hadn’t blogged. That would have been so disappointing. First day of retreat and it would always be marked as the infamous day that I broke my summer blogging obligation. Tragic. Kind of like when Julia got stung by a bee earlier but a million times worse.

Anyways.
I’m feeling pretty good. Retreat exhaustion syndrome is already setting in. It happens.
I realize that I have poor stress management skills. I get overwhelmed and I’m currently feeling like I’ve worked really hard to get to this point only to be so worried, stressed, concerned, anxious, and nervous to feel anything real. I’m so envious of people who can have that “it’ll work out” attitude, because in general, even when things go wrong, they manage to work themselves out. I don’t choose to live just letting things work out. I want it to be more than that. I don’t settle for “just getting through it” when I can work harder and care more to make things great. I guess it’s a balance or something that’s ideal. Know what I mean? I’m aiming to care enough to make something very real and wonderful happen and be okay with little things that go wrong along the way.

If you’re the praying kind, extra prayers for me tomorrow would be greater than anything you could ever give me.

Breath in.
Breath out.
God is present.

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