Random

Day Thirty-One

Yesterday I mentioned something to a group of very chatty girls about wanting to do something crazy. I know, I know. Something crazy is the last thing you could see me, anxious, paranoid, awkward, childish Jennifer Lioy doing. I’m not one for taking risks…ever. I know that’s horrible, but I can honestly say that most things I do in life are things I know I’ll succeed in, or at least not completely fail. There’s a Greg Holden song called The Art of Falling that comes to mind every time I think about this.

“It’s better to make your mistakes than to live without knowing. It’s better to fall on your face than to stay on your feet as long as you tried.”

I have an innate fear of falling, as do most people probably. Some people have an easier time ignoring that feeling than I do. They’re able to recognize that some things are just worth risking failure for and choose to jump while I choose what is safe and easy and tend to live with many regrets. I’m not one of those people who claim to not live with regrets because “every mistake, every missed opportunity just makes you stronger and builds you into the person you are, blah, blah, blah…” bullshit. I do regret things sometimes and I don’t feel like I’m somehow prohibiting myself from moving on with my life or growing or whatever. I don’t know where I’m going with this. I guess my point is that I’m bored. I never get bored. It’s not me. And it’s not a I-have-nothing-to-do-but-sit-on-my-butt kind of bored, but a bored with who I am. So yes, I want to do something crazy. That doesn’t mean I want to smoke or get a tattoo. It doesn’t mean I want to go away and get lost along the way. It doesn’t mean I want to vandalize someone’s property or run through sprinklers. To be completely honest, I don’t know what it means. But, I’ll let you know when I figure it out and invite you to join me. Jump with me.

And ridiculous pictures from me evening with a lovely group of people who always have a welcome home for me when I want to run away from mine. I appreciate all of you for caring and for being understanding of yesterday’s post. I owe you a lot more than I have to give. Love to you, and you, and you all.

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3 thoughts on “Day Thirty-One

  1. Patrick says:

    You could… oh I don’t know… take a 2 week trip though Eastern Europe… oh wait… that’s me.

    I know exactly how you feel. When you decide to go run through the sprinklers (not a bad place to start), let me know.

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