Random

Oh, Darlin’

Wishin’ and Hopin’ and thinkin’ and prayin’
Plannin’ and dreamin’ each night of his charms
That won’t get you into his arms
So if you’re looking to find love you can share
All you gotta do is hold him
And kiss him and love him
And show him that you care

Show him that you care just for him
Do the things he likes to do
Wear your hair just for him
Girl, you won’t get him wishin’ and a-hopin’
Thinkin’ and a-prayin’
Just wishin’ and hopin’ and thinkin’ and prayin’
Plannin’ and dreamin’ his kisses will start
That won’t get you into his heart
So if you’re thinkin’ of havin’ true lovin’
All you’ve gotta do is hold him and kiss him
And squeeze him and love him
Do it, and after you do you will be his

This is one of those posts that I’ll undoubtedly delete tomorrow after I realize how incredibly embarrassed I feel after a reasonable amount of sleep. Until then, enjoy embarrassment in the making. Right now, at this very moment, I am a hopeless teenage girl. Hopeless in a melodramatic sense, not as in the actually lacking of hope sense. I thought and hoped this day would never come, but alas, I have become that girl. The seemingly confident, normal, goofy, quirky girl that I usually am is non-existant. I have become an unnaturally shy eighteen year-old who has somehow convinced herself that if she wishes really hard, impossible things will happen. That she can somehow will someone to think about her instead of building up enough courage to talk to them. I guess this goes back to the whole making my own happiness thing that I’ve written about before. Not letting a single person dictate your own contentment, especially when you’re too weeny to even let them know how you feel. I’m a coward. I’m worse than the Cowardly Lion. He goes to the Wizard even though he’s completely terrified. The Cowardly Lion would most definitely frown upon me for this one.

I tend to ruin awesome friendships. And when I say I tend to, in actuality, I mean that I could see myself ruining this specific friendship, not that this very incident has ever actually happened. This actually never happens to me. I don’t pine for people. I’m a happily independent young woman who is normally very content with being that way. And this is by no means a post about loneliness, because I don’t feel lonely. It’s that googliness again. I don’t like it at all. “Do something to make me hate you.” “Uh, go Hitler?” Not even silly Gilmore Girls lines that very appropriately fit into my thought process, but probably make no sense to you all, could make me less frustrated by myself. I am that girl. Awesome.

I wish it was easy to talk about the way you feel. Instead, I spend ridiculous amounts of my time and energy writing useless blog posts, hoping that one of those page views is the person who my cryptic (well, failingly cryptic) writing is all about and somehow that person will know it’s them. How can we assume without knowing? How can we deny without asking? Why is it so difficult to say, “Sometimes I think about you. You’re funny and polite. I think you’re charming and sweet. I’d like to get to know you because I just may in fact be completely perfect for you.” I guess that would be a lot to unload on a person, but you get the idea. Now, if only I had a Wizard to give me a badge and help me realize my courage. Julia, do you think you could step in for Mr. Wizard? I think he’s out of town currently. Joyride in his hot air balloon I hear.

Cowardly Lion: Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What makes the flag on the mast to wave? Courage! What makes the elephant charge his tusk in the misty mist, or the dusky dusk? What makes the muskrat guard his musk? Courage! What makes the sphinx the seventh wonder? Courage! What makes the dawn come up like thunder? Courage! What makes the Hottentot so hot? What puts the “ape” in apricot? What have they got that I ain’t got?
Dorothy, Scarecrow, Tin Woodsman: Courage!
Cowardly Lion: You can say that again!

Oh, Julia and Patrick, it made me very happy to see someone posting something positive about the health care bill. It was a refreshing sight after the flood of negativity that came via facebook statuses.

I realize I’ve updated this post ridiculous amounts of time. Lack of sleep, apologies.

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