This is not what being brave looks like.

Sometimes I sit around moping about how I have no plans, instead of actually doing something to change that. Other times, I ditch people and avoid phone calls and texts because my extreme anti-social personality comes out and i desire to be around absolutely no one. It’s really great. Except, not really. I kind of consider myself a bit of a burden. I don’t initiate things because I assume that people will only agree to spend time with me out of obligation, which may seem silly and completely ludicrous, but it is what it is. I realize that’s a relatively sad way to go about living, assuming others will make the effort to spend time with you if they care to. I don’t actually feel this way, but kind of. I’m not saying that I think everyone hates me and that I’m completely unloved, because that’s not the case at all and I realize that’s kind of how this comes off as. I mean to say that I wouldn’t want to spend time with me sometimes, so I assume people feel the same way. I just talked, well typed, myself in circles, and I’m not sure what I think about any of this. My posts aren’t exactly well thought out, obviously. I do know, in fact, that today was a decent day. Well, better than decent, I suppose. I went to reconciliation and confessed something different for the first time in maybe years. Cycle ended, progress made, joy and forgiveness felt.  I do know, in fact, that I am currently sitting in a nearly empty coffee house and I love when the entire town of Denton is preoccupied by some spectacular show, that any other day I’m sure I’d be eager to attend, but right now, I’m content sitting alone in this quiet coffee shop, typing my life away wishing a someone would text me just to say hey, to say, I’m thinking about you and this text is to let you know. It’s not premeditated because I read your blog post and saw that you’re begging for someone to care, but because I wanted to. So, to you, this is me saying hey, I’m thinking about you, I care. (I know, I know, good effort, Jennifer, but this is not what being brave looks like.) Woopteedoo, oh well.

Currently Listening to: Something unknown playing in Jupiter House


One thought on “This is not what being brave looks like.

  1. bryanpineda says:

    Well, from what it seems. you are being antisocial. Although you aren’t a burden on me. I love you to the end of days and know that no matter what I’m here. all my love is yours.

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