Fear, Feel, Fail, Fall

Now that I have some semi-regular readers, I expect some feedback, at least with this post. So, my dad told me one time, when I was of course complaining about some scholarship or something and how I had no chance of getting it and that I was just wasting my time, when he told me about how when he was younger, he never expected to be successful. He prepared to fail for whatever reason, despite working hard, and when he was successful over and over again, he somehow equated that to luck or some reason other than he being deserving of that success, when in fact he was. I definitely do this. Sometimes it’s merely a defense technique in case I indeed fail. Sometimes it’s out of insecurity. I’ve realized that this fear of failing holds me back. I’m rarely, if ever, proud of myself and content with my actions. It’s never enough. Even when I do well, I don’t feel deserving of it. So, I pose a question: do you believe it is better when taking a risk to be confident in your success, chancing the heartbreak or disappointment of failure, or to prepare to fail, thus impeding your success from the get go?


5 thoughts on “Fear, Feel, Fail, Fall

  1. Most of the time, I definitely prepare myself for failure. If I don’t expect to do well, I don’t have to prove anything to anyone, including myself. If I do end up doing something well, it ends up being a nice surprise. Maybe I see it as a form of humility? I do recognize that expecting failure is probably not the best idea, but I don’t see myself changing anytime soon. It is kind of scary to think of expecting success, I might have to like… raise my standards and stuff. Interesting post, m’dear 🙂

  2. semi-regular reader says:

    And then there was me analyzing life more than I was living
    Anything possible good I’ll destroy before the chance was ever given
    See if I never have anything I’ll never have to lose anything
    But then again if I never had anything worth losing
    I guess I lost everything either way
    You could say pain will become a result from both
    So actually I’m giving in to the very thing that I fear the most
    Losing it all everything completely unaware that a fear of failure
    Was the one thing that was taking me there
    Fear of life fear of love fear of man failure to relate
    How I and God and His voice to me would even begin to translate
    So I wait to escape this condition of rationalizing my own destruction
    But I keep on listening to voices that don’t deserve my discussion
    (John Reuben)
    although I personally “rationalize my own destruction” and set myself up for failure because that’s the easy thing to do, I think we both need to try to quit listening to the voices that don’t deserve our discussion; in other words, chance the heartbreak. better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all (hooray for cliches)

  3. Jennifer Lioy says:

    I guess we should also take circumstances of failure and seek the lesson in them, or something. Learning opportunity amidst disappointment. I suppose, knowing what we should do and actually doing it are two very different things, as well, but it’s a lesson we should learn now. Thanks for your thoughts. You both rock, as always. Sweet lyrics, Esteban.

  4. Patrick says:

    I don’t actually believe there is anything wrong with expecting the worst case scenario to play out. I (like almost all of the intelligent people I know) always believe I am destined for failure. That way I am pleasantly surprised if things go my way in the end or at least, I am expecting the result. This does stem from my slightly unhealthy hatred of surprises and obsessive need to be in control of every aspect of my life. I have been accused of having excessively low self-esteem. While I know I should probably let go and (if I dare add yet another cliche to this blog) carpe diem, but I feel that would require a drastic change in my personality. I feel like I am slowly getting better about “chancing heartbreak.”

  5. regular reader says:

    patrick you confuse me. I can’t tell if your opinion is the same at the end of your post or not…

    anyhow, in most things I do, I often have to turn my situation into some mental game with myself – trick myself into doing just one more problem, practicing just another 10 minutes, or go just one more mile – which I have to repeat to myself until I really do push my limit. Expecting failure of yourself mentally limits just how far you can push yourself (at least for me), because it turns into one big apathetic mess; if I can’t do it, why try? It is nice to be pleasantly surprised if you’ve accomplished something you didnt think you could do, but if you’re limiting yourself by doing that, why do it?

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