Reflection

Dear Two-Thousand and Nine.

As I’ve attempted to reflect on the past year, I’ve lacked complete motivation to write this post. I somehow feel a strange obligation to write it though. Somehow I feel it completely necessary to document this year. I don’t know exactly what I, looking back on this years from now, will want to read. I’ll probably want to know the ways I’ve changed and grown. I’ll want to remember the lessons I’ve learned and be able to reflect on the “big” moments, regardless of how miniscule they will probably seem when I come back to this post even a year from now. I kind of feel like now is not the most opportune or even accurate time to be writing this because I’m not in the best of moods, but here it goes anyways.

“What a snapshot is to our lives, our lives are to eternity, and just as we capture in a snapshot a face forever smiling, we can capture in our lives a light forever shining.” Robert Brault

Two-thousand and nine was a year of new interests. Photography, hence the quote, was a new one for me, sort of. I really love it and it’s one of those things I do purely for enjoyment. I don’t have to be an awesome photographer. I don’t have to be technologically knowledgeable in every single way regarding my camera. It’s about capturing a moment and being able to remember it after. My camera is similar to an external hard-drive to my brain. It’s like backup for when life continues and memories fade. I want to be able to remember the little things like spontaneous celebration and beautiful vacation. I want to be able to look back and see how life has changed. Design has become a valid interest. I hope, if I have any control, that it will be a part of my life for some time. I’ve taken up drawing and painting and learning and learning to love it along the way.

“I slept and dreamed that life was happiness, Then I awoke and found out that life was service. I served and I found out that in service, happiness is found.” -Rabindranath Tagore

I looked back through my old emails, facebook messages, text, and even posts to have a better idea of the things my year included and I’ve come to the conclusion that the little things really don’t matter. It hasn’t even been a whole year and I couldn’t even remember without looking back to reference many of the things that seemed so hugely overwhelming and a big deal at the time. It’s been very up and down, and maybe more down than up, this year. I say that, because I realize that I get caught in my imperfection and I wallow in self-doubt that allows me to be in a constant state of not awesome for long periods of time. While on the other hand, it’s easy to be knocked down when you’re feeling grand. Very small things knock me down too. This year brought new friends, tested the relationships of old friends, and even the end to the relationships of some. I’m not one of those kinds of people who says things like “I don’t live in the past” or “I don’t regret anything I’ve done because it’s made me the person I’ve become” rather, I think it’s important to remember those things that you somehow manage to not regret so that you don’t make the same mistakes. My mantra for the year has been, without an ounce of doubt, “It’s all about balance.” Balance and the need for balance has been a very prominent part of my life and the choices I’ve made this year. Think about that one. It really is all about balance, right?

Random thoughts for the year (or maybe just what I can think of right now).

– I have the coolest name anagram: Jennifer Lioy:Freely Join In

– Greg Holden is magical.

– How can a year where I attended a Coldplay, Mat Kearney, The Rocket Summer, Forever the Sickest Kids, Ingrid Michaelson, and Greg Holden show ever be topped?

– It’s so nice to see you. Can we sit and talk for a while? I have searched forever, I can’t imagine anything better.

– I adore alliteration.

– Judging by my status updates on facebook, April was not too fantastic of a month.

– Also judging my my status updates, I’m incredibly corny.

– “Oh Captain, my captain…” NOPE. I don’t memorize anything. I’m completely incapable.

– Spanish literature, bite me.

– Solitude is most definitely an aid for creativity.

– It’s so worthwhile to bring happiness upon yourself. To not need anyone else to make you happy. It’s a wonderful feeling.

– I’m afraid of color. It’s kind of tragic.

– Maybe I’m okay just being me.

I resolve to love more.

I resolve to care more.

I resolve to try harder.

I resolve to forgive harder.

I resolve to grow more.

I resolve to love more.

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